Alone :)

I fake smiles,

everyday,

i hate doing so,

but tell me,

what more can i do,

because the pain,

is so unbearable,

I can't cry anymore,

because i think it's useless,

to cry over someone,

who doesnt even care about me,

It's ok,

Im fine,

even if im not,

you cant do nothing about it,

because im fake after all.

_fiyaa_

Im totally agreed with this poem.Thanks to the poet,my lovely friend,Zafira.Im asked her to create this poem for me and here it is-every single words are really thoughtful.I hope and i wish she will be the famous,talented poet someday and even clever than William Shakespeare.She has the talent !*Let's talk about fake smiles.

   Anyone cares about fake smiles? Does anyone ever faced it ?i guess everybody had faced it.I have read so many times about ''The girls who always laughing more than she should be,are the girls who are always burst into tears when lonely''.Yeah,i admit that i am a girl who always laughing for more than 5 minutes and take a few munutes to stop and then start laughing again.You can ask my friends if you dont trust me.Sometimes i laughing at unnecessary things such as clothes and the worst part is i cant stop laughing if someone make a serious face.I will laughing at you when you are reading my post although for you,it's not funny at all.hahah nevermind.But i dont realize every scars or pains or something terrible happened to me.Im just''What happened?I didnt feel any pains?So,how can i be like a pscyhtrist's patience ?Then i take time to think,maybe after PMR is the best time to think about unnecessary things that happened in my life.At the same time,im always spend most of my time at home.Someday,i realize that all this happened is because of loneliness.Yeah 100% agreed.

    I cant blame other people to be the reason why im being lonely.It's all my decisions and this was going to be.Since i'd ended my relationship with him last year,i decide to not going out even a step to meet him.Well,his house are not too far.im always spend my time-sleeping,thinking,eating etc.I dont have friends here.Perhaps my sister is happy to live here because she has many friends but her friends are not good indeed.They all are not studied in our school.They studied in SMKAB .My parents are not allowing us to friend with those people because it might something bad happen,but my sis just ignoring them.Me too-sometimes ahah.I HATE GOING OUT.I HATE HANGing OUT.im so suffociating if someone asks me to join them at park or beach etc.I have no friend and nobody to share the stories .Even i have a lot of good ,pretty,amazing,gorgeous friends but i dont think they will listen or understand what im going to tell about.Because i really know them.I know their way,i know the way they controol the behave but im not sure if they're the right people.Even my twin.Yes,maybe everybody says''She's your twin.She born at he same day,and you share the same birthday with her,she might understands you every single aspects in your life''.No,you are wrong.Even our faces are totally not alike at all,so how you could say my behave is paralleling to her ?Not at all.She's totally not understands me.She alwys think that she's elder than me and im immature enough.I hate sharing stories with her.She said to other ppl that she understands me because she is my sister but she's not.She never wnts to lend her ears to me and listen every stories that i want to tell.So,im just keeping all those moments by myself.Im bearing all those sadness,happiness,bitter sweet .Please i have nobody to share.im lonely.Im alone,and ssometimes i found the cats and trying to talk with it but how cats understand people?I need somebody to react like-''dont worry,im always support you,sweet girl'' and give me a hug so that i can release all the harms with a wink of eyes.But who'r going to do so?No one's.It's useless to share the pain to the people who's going to say 'calm down' at lasts.I dont need people to advise me to be calm down.I dont even need that.All i want is suppport.Im try to find ppl who ;r going to be my listener,but i cant find.No one's!

last words :Forever Alone :)